I really appreciate the vulnerability you're showing through this journey! the intrusive thoughts and fears you experience are definitely to be expected and they're so hard to navigate. it's often the most difficult decisions that are the best for us in the end. choosing to go through these murky waters so that you may live your fullest, authentic life is very brave
I hate to be voyeuristic--just curious how it worked out? You. don't say if this is 'it worked out great.'
I am not heterosexual but I would not do this because it seems too complicated. I never had a calm life growing up.,If nothing awful is happening, I feel lucky and don't want to take chances or risk what I have., But I think I don't have the feeling about my true self you had. This would be more difficult.
People have very different psychologies though.
I know a couple where this happened and I don't know details, just that they are still married and seem happy? After many years, like maybe 30? They didn't have an open marriage. I think he just had a secret boyfriend and I don't know what happened later but they seem very happy.
I’ll be writing more about how it’s turned out but I will say we’re a year into openness and we’re still together and, speaking for myself, doing well.
It definitely isn’t for everyone. And it definitely isn’t always easy or straightforward. But few relationships are. But she loves me and I love her. So, we make it work.
The "monogamy lobby" is strong - frankly I question the statistic of 90% of open relationships failing, but ultimately, if something's not working, being open to change is always the better answer than white knuckling/enduring/resenting. Great post, Ty - and thanks for that graphic! :D
I think the 90 percent figure is likely just grossly simplistic...did the relationship continue after opening the relationship, Yes or No. To say a relationship "failed" just because it ended is intellectually dishonest. If you end a business relationship with someone after many years, that doesn't mean that relationship wasn't successful. Just because you change careers later in life doesn't mean you failed in the previous career.
yeah, I'm wondering what is considered "failure," it sounds so damning! if two people realize that they are no longer compatible through openness and both grow through the experience that doesn't sound like failure to me, it sounds like growth. of course it doesn't seem to me like Ty's marriage is failing at all, just going through growing pains
I really appreciate the vulnerability you're showing through this journey! the intrusive thoughts and fears you experience are definitely to be expected and they're so hard to navigate. it's often the most difficult decisions that are the best for us in the end. choosing to go through these murky waters so that you may live your fullest, authentic life is very brave
Thank you, Aris!
I hate to be voyeuristic--just curious how it worked out? You. don't say if this is 'it worked out great.'
I am not heterosexual but I would not do this because it seems too complicated. I never had a calm life growing up.,If nothing awful is happening, I feel lucky and don't want to take chances or risk what I have., But I think I don't have the feeling about my true self you had. This would be more difficult.
People have very different psychologies though.
I know a couple where this happened and I don't know details, just that they are still married and seem happy? After many years, like maybe 30? They didn't have an open marriage. I think he just had a secret boyfriend and I don't know what happened later but they seem very happy.
I’ll be writing more about how it’s turned out but I will say we’re a year into openness and we’re still together and, speaking for myself, doing well.
It definitely isn’t for everyone. And it definitely isn’t always easy or straightforward. But few relationships are. But she loves me and I love her. So, we make it work.
The "monogamy lobby" is strong - frankly I question the statistic of 90% of open relationships failing, but ultimately, if something's not working, being open to change is always the better answer than white knuckling/enduring/resenting. Great post, Ty - and thanks for that graphic! :D
I think the 90 percent figure is likely just grossly simplistic...did the relationship continue after opening the relationship, Yes or No. To say a relationship "failed" just because it ended is intellectually dishonest. If you end a business relationship with someone after many years, that doesn't mean that relationship wasn't successful. Just because you change careers later in life doesn't mean you failed in the previous career.
People change. Change is not failure.
yeah, I'm wondering what is considered "failure," it sounds so damning! if two people realize that they are no longer compatible through openness and both grow through the experience that doesn't sound like failure to me, it sounds like growth. of course it doesn't seem to me like Ty's marriage is failing at all, just going through growing pains
Exactly, Aris. And thank you!