Aiding & Abetting Queerness
The Graduation Photo I Probably Shouldn't Have Taken But Am Glad I Did
This is Sitting Queerly, a newsletter focused on the late blooming queer experience, the lofty goal of opening up conversations and celebrating those who embrace their full selves.
The photo at top should not be remarkable.
I took it as part of my duties as a school communications professional at one of my school district’s graduation ceremonies. It was for the Class of 2021, the first class to have a formal in-person graduation ceremony following the COVID-19 pandemic. However, it was a different ceremony than we’d held in the past. It was held outdoors (a risky proposition when you live in a place that can hit the triple digits by early June); speakers had to stand singly, even students who sang as part of an ensemble and, of course, there were masks (although they were largely abandoned given the heat and local politics).
My job that day, as for graduations years past, was to document the day. Smiling faces. Flocks of shiny balloons. Hugs. I was documenting memories and I brought some of my past photojournalism experience to the job in seeking candid moments of joy that day.
This was taken after the graduation ceremony was over, as the students were allowed to leave their seats on the field to find their family and friends. And that’s when I saw the young man in the background at center walking down the center aisle of the graduate seating area, carrying the Pride flag behind him. In all honesty, a pretty standard graduation celebration photo. Such individualized celebrations are pretty common at high school graduations, from leis of money to personally decorated mortar boards.
But technically, this student broke the school’s rules around graduation ceremonies. Such displays were not permitted at graduation. No Trump flags, no Black Lives Matter flags, no Pride flags. He broke that rule when he pulled the flag out and waving it around after receiving his diploma up on the stage and when he walked off to get his official photo taken. I don’t remember the crowd reaction, whether there were cheers (probably) or jeers (probably, but less loudly).
I’m a rule follower. I try to adhere to best practice. Heed the advice of elders and experts. And taking this photo of this student would have been ill-advised. As a school employee, I probably shouldn’t have taken this photo and included it in the online graduation albums on the school’s social media and it’s website. The kid broke a rule and that would have been the fair thing to do. I am very much a proponent of holding folks to the same standards.
Or at least I was.
The thing about standards is that they are for things. Objects. Metrics. The non-sentient. We measure by standards because it’s necessary to make things like cars and toys and food are safe and functional and consumable.
People are not things. No person can be standardized. You can’t render a person as standard. They are fixed in their subjective nature. Their subjective abilities. Their subjective experiences. You can’t change those things. You can ignore them or gloss over them, as some folks in positions of influence in my community and elsewhere are inclined to do. Those same folks set standards for behavior that will allow them to persist in their ignorance and/or indifference while punishing those who attempt to fracture that illusion, if only briefly.
His happiness and joy were so tangible. And I wanted to help him share it.
That graduate was so nervous when he pulled that flag out. He wasn’t rushed but I could tell he wasn’t sure if he was going to be left alone or escorted off or yelled at or what. And I don’t know his full story. My experience has been that students who have been out as queer publicly for at least a while don’t tend to make these kinds of displays. It’s the students who have been closeted, have been struggling, have been taunted and bullied and just wanted to be allowed to exist and not have to constantly worry about whether they were acting to queer.
This was likely his last opportunity to own who he had always been and do so when his bullies had the least power over him. What could they do, taunt him at school the next day? And the adult bullies, the ones that would like to pretend that he and many other students faced challenges and hardships they didn’t think mattered, they didn’t have much power, either. They could withhold his diploma, maybe require he attend a meeting or pay a fine or some other minimal consequence, but he was otherwise outside their authority as of that day.
His happiness and joy were so tangible. And I wanted to help him share it.
So I took the photo. And I edited it later that day. And I shared it online. And if at any point during those steps I doubted my actions or feared the repercussions, I knew exactly how I’d counter: this photo was taken after graduation was over. There is no rule about what flags or banners students may wave around after they’ve graduated, whether that was just five minutes ago or five weeks ago.
There was a little bit of hullabaloo online, social media commentators upset that THIS student was allowed to break the rules but not a graduate wanting to wave a MAGA flag or a Blue Lives Matter flag or whatever. I was happy to see those folks pushed back against by others in the community, who picked apart their reasoning and accusations and the different intents behind those banners. The photo stayed up. I don’t recall hearing any pushback from my supervisors.
I’m still a rule follower. I still read the directions before I operate a piece of technology or construct flatpack furniture. But I also recognize that there are times when following the letter of the law, if not the spirit, is perfectly acceptable if that allows you to affirm someone’s existence.
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