When I began accepting my queerness and coming out to those in my life, I was convinced I was utterly alone.
Not because I was queer—I knew plenty of people in my life who were gay or lesbian or trans. I felt alone because of where I was in my life—middle-aged, married, father of two, mid-career in my second field (and about to experience another unexpected professional shift)—when I could no longer hide and didn’t want to hide this part of myself anymore.
I had lived a firmly cis-heteronormative life, was living a firmly cis-heteronormative life. I had no idea how to be queer. I wasn’t even sure I was allowed to be queer. And identifying as bisexual, I saw suspicion of my sexuality everywhere, from the well-intentioned to the outright hostile.
This Substack is for others who find themselves in a similar position: coming into their full selves late in life and trying to figure out what that means. It’s also for those who know a latebloomer and want to support them or maybe just get an idea of what their friend or loved one is contending with. And it’s for folk who are interested in queer voices and experiences.
Who I am
I go by Ty. Professionally, I am a communicator with an award-winning stint as a journalist and also with eight years in public relations. Personally, I am a middle-aged married father of two from the Midwest who is a Pacific Northwesterner by choice but I don’t live where it’s green and wet all the time. I like to make things and I have an unhealthy addiction to chocolate milk.
Why subscribe?
All subscribers will receive a free newsletter every Monday morning where I talk about my late blooming queer journey and dive into subjects that intersect with it. Those newsletters will always be accessible—nothing will be archived behind a paywall after being published.
Monthly subscribers ($5 per month) will have the ability to send me direct messages through Substack and have first look at potential special projects.
That means if you have an idea for a potential post or feedback that you don’t want to share publicly, you can share it with me. You’ll also get early access to my other writing or creative endeavors, such as excerpts of a novel I’m writing.
Annual subscribers ($50 per year) will get all the same perks as monthly subscribers PLUS a small handmade item from me mailed to them.
This, of course, will require an annual subscriber to provide me a mailing address to send said item, which could be a hand-embroidered patch, a hand-bound Coptic stitch-style journal and/or another handmade craft from me. And yes, this means you’ll get a new handmade item each time you renew.
Founding subscribers ($200) get all the monthly and annual perks PERMANENTLY plus a signed copy of one of my self-published photobooks.
As a founder you will always be able to DM me, participate in live chats and get first look at special projects. You will receive a handmade item each year on the anniversary of your subscription so long as Sitting Queerly is published. I will ensure you are always considered a paid subscriber.
As for the photobooks, they include a collection of photos from the Klamath Basin in southern Oregon, film shots depicting parenting two young children, and three dark humor Christmas-themed vignettes. Founding subscribers will get to choose which one they’d like to receive.
Again, to get the full benefits, I will need the founder to provide a mailing address.
Why “Sitting Queerly”
Honestly? Because Better Late Than Never was already taken.
The colloquialism “sitting pretty” is relatively young and unique to American English. It denotes being in a confident or comfortable position.
One thing I’ve learned in my crash course queer education is that bisexuals have certain, albeit stereotypical, behavioral touchstones. Using the “finger guns” gesture. Having an affinity for lemon bars. And a tendency to not sit up straight or “normally.”
