This is Sitting Queerly, a newsletter focused on the late blooming queer experience, the lofty goal of opening up conversations and celebrating those who embrace their full selves.
My first truly immersive Pride experience as a bisexual/queer man happened about five months after I began accepting it.
I had attended many other Pride celebrations, including one in Seattle, since that first one for my work in 2014. But I still hadn’t accepted myself at that time, was still in denial. And I attended them with my wife and our shared friends, so I couldn’t even clandestinely engage as a fellow queer even if I had wanted to. Those circumstances kept me at arm’s length, protecting that part of me that still needed to hide. But that same part also craved connection, understanding and affirmation.
The opportunity to attend Pride in Portland in July 2023 resulted from a regional chapter of a queer men’s group I’m in having a monthly get-together that same weekend. I still had pretty limited in-person contacts with other late-blooming queer men and I was eager to have conversations that didn’t require email or a Zoom invite. And attending Pride without my wife or any of our shared friends offered me a clean slate, an opportunity to engage in the event and with others attending purely on my terms.
Nearly every aspect of the queer community made itself felt during that weekend. Drag queens. Transgender folk. Allies. Furries. And even bisexuals such as myself.
These photos aren’t the same approach and style as those from my first Pride all those years before. For one, I was shooting with my favorite point-and-shoot camera that day, an Olympus Trip 35. Very compact with only the most basic of focal adjustments available. Secondly, I was shooting slide film, which was pretty slow (ISO 100), so I had to look for relatively quiet moments or, at the very least, be in very bright light. I had so many photos I would have loved if not for the blur and the tendency for subjects to be slightly out of focus in the wrong places.
And yet, I love these photos. They are bright and vibrant and full of that same joy I experienced in 2014. But there was also some brave defiance. The photo I use at the top is my favorite, a transman unabashedly showing off his body and how he’s made it his own, to reflect who he truly is.
In looking back, I was still pretty restrained, still mostly observing instead of engaging. But I actually felt safe enough to be a part of it, which is something, I guess.
Here’s to everyone enjoying these last few days of Pride 2024 and many more Prides to come.
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Coming in next week’s newsletter…
An essay I wrote for a photobook I’m developing around the U.S. flag, and who has the privilege of abusing it.